Thursday, January 16, 2014

Desperate or forward?

So I'm not really sure where this post is going, I guess part of me just feels like writing (I blame Pandora-- the "Almost Lover" playlist always stirs the Calliope within), and part of me wants to let out onto paper the many voices within my head.

But where to begin?


I guess I'll talk briefly about one of the greatest, if not the greatest, struggles I have with dating/meeting people and a problem that recently I found out many of my girlfriends struggle with. Please feel free to comment with your insight, I know that some of my girlfriends would greatly appreciate hearing especially from my MIT guy friends out there! :)

So what it is? What is this great mystery that baffles me so? A simple question--a riddle, if you will (celebrity jeopardy SNL anyone?):

What's the difference between desperate and forward?

In general, when I see something that I want-- be it a dress, a goal, or someone's attention-- I don't sit back and wait for it to happen to come my way. But when it comes to males of potential romantic interest, suddenly I second guess myself. I hear voices inside my head saying that I should be coy, "you really ought to let him work for it." Well, first of all, I'm not some commodity, so when instructed that he should learn to work for "it" I am less than pleased with the demotion of any human being's presence to that amorphous pronoun. Secondly, it's against my personality to be coy or demur-- on the whole*. I mean, I do get shy and sometimes quiet when around stupidly gorgeous men (reminds me of this time I was walking on the beach in Viareggio, Italia, and saw I think what was the last remaining Greek god in male form, but I can't be certain. I only looked upon his face for but a second before his glory forced my glance to find peace elsewhere.). But in general, I extend my hand. I introduce myself. And I sure as heck can't stand to wait around while guys twiddle their thumbs and muster the courage to look up at me. So to what extent do I deny my true personality and remain silent?

On the flip side, I don't want to seem desperate. I will admit that I have had a problem in the past with expending unmatched energy and devotion, with friends and former lovers, and I don't want to repeat that habit. I spent the last 1.5 years learning to be content on my own, and while I still struggle with it from time to time, I have definitely come to need my "me" time-- an important step in lessening my chances of doing things that might seem desperate, I think. However, I still fear that I am perceived as desperate just given my bubbly personality. Like, how much is too much when it comes to interactions with potential/current love interests? I know that some of my male friends probably rolled their eyes at the previous statements about having the man "earn" the female's attention, and while I think that's maybe a bit of an exaggerated way of stating, I think there is some nugget of useful information in there. Right? I've been told by guy friends that an independent woman is attractive, but what exactly does that mean? 

Ultimately, I think that both parties need to exert an energy and effort to make it a healthy relationship. But what does that entail for early courtship? Or for that matter, getting someone's number? An active effort to make each person feel special, NOT an active effort to make sure that the other person has feelings for you, is a subtle difference but one worth noting I think.

Alas, I am le sleepy.

Thanks for reading,

*My chipperness and outgoing personality in a way is being coy. Like, it's a way to prevent people from actually getting to know me, so in a different way than most people may realize, I am actually quite reserved. I speak my mind when asked, but often I speak in riddles (I blame New Girl) and it takes time to understand how I say things. But yeah, I'm generally not the silent type. (This has been pointed out to me, and I've observed people as they interact with me.) 

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